The language of the law has evolved over time; however, society and the media are stuck in bad habits and commonly use words such as “custody”, “primary carer”, “battle”, “versus” and “opponent”.
“Custody” is frequently used when looking at where children will live, although it does not form part of family law in England and Wales. The word focuses too much on possession and sets the parents off to a bad start, by insinuating it is a fight between the parents and the children are somehow their property to be shared.
As a substitute, words such as “child arrangements” have been incorporated into the family law vernacular to remove the negative stigma of the word custody. Child arrangements are commonly broken down to “lives with” or “spends time with” orders. This allows for both parents to be treated more fairly and mirror the reality of their living arrangements.
The language used should reflect a more solution focused approach as opposed to fuelling hostility between the parties. For example, some preferred phrases encouraged on separation are collaboration, problem-solving, co-parenting, together, solutions, our children, respect and family. These phrases adopt a much softer approach.
It is crucial to consider the use of words and importantly to think before we speak, as the words we use shape our mindsets, which in turn affect how we think and behave.
Stone King LLP has a team of experienced mediators and family lawyers who look to work with their clients to support a family focused approach. Please call 01225 337 599 if require any assistance.