Grandparents/Grandchild relationship – how family mediation can help.

Grandparents play a significant role in children’s lives, indeed many provide regular care to their grandchildren.  A study by Age UK in 2017 reported that 40% of grandparents over the age of 50 provided care for their grandchildren .

However when a child’s parents separate sometimes some children don’t continue to have the close relationship they previously had with their grandparents, leaving the children to potentially feel lost and confused.

Whilst family mediation is often used by parents post separation to decide amicably how they will co-parent and how the children will be able to maintain a relationship with them both, increasingly it has also been used to discuss arrangements with the wider family, ie grandparents.

In their study, The ‘grandparent’ problem: Encouraging a more relational approach towards child arrangements via mediation, the authors, C. Bendall and S. Davey, examined the obstacles faced by grandparents with regard to maintaining relationships with their grandchildren, particularly after family disputes or parental separation. This is often despite the significant role that grandparents play in their grandchildren’s lives.  Bendall and Davey highlight in their study that current legal frameworks in England and Wales often prioritise the nuclear family model, thereby marginalising the role of the grandparents.

Consequently, grandparents lack the automatic right to apply to the court to spend time with their grandchildren and must seek permission from the court to apply, a process which further underscores their lesser legal status when compared to that of parents. Bendall and Davey advocate for a more relational approach, stressing the importance of recognising and preserving bonds that span multiple generations. They therefore propose mediation as a valuable tool in resolving intra-familial conflicts, offering a less adversarial, more collaborative avenue with, at its centre, the goal to uphold the best interests of the child(ren) involved.

This question of what is in the best interests of the child(ren) in a separation is crucial for parents to keep at the forefront of their mind when making decisions in relation to their children. Child-inclusive mediation can also enable the child to have a voice.  Children who have the opportunity to meet with mediators in this way to have the opportunity to speak in a confidential setting and decide on what message is given to their parents anecdotally report how helpful this has been for them. Rebecca Eels family mediator and family lawyer said “ It is a huge privilege to meet children in this way and hear their voice.  Children love their parents and don’t want to hurt them, they also want their parents to make the adult decisions but want their voice to be heard” .

Please do get in touch to find out more about family mediation and child-inclusive mediation and how it can help your family.