Tips for separated parents: navigating secondary school selection

Whilst the new school year may have only just started, parents of children in Year 6 will already be thinking about secondary school open evenings, and having discussions about what the best option is for their child. These can be tricky decisions to make, and for separated parents the added dimension of managing two households and any conflicting opinions can make this even harder.

If you are finding these discussions overwhelming, we have prepared nine tips which we hope will help you during this time.

1. Begin conversations early. Think about what the key priorities are and try to agree these with your co-parent. For example, academic standards, pastoral care, extracurricular clubs, SEN provision, proximity to home(s), etc.
2. Focus on what’s best for your child, not personal preferences or past disagreements.
3. Listen to your child, secondary school is where they will spend the next five years of their education. Encourage them to express concerns or excitement freely, and don’t make them choose between your views and those of your co-parent.
4. Attend open days together if you can. If this is not possible, then share information and thoughts afterwards.
5. Try and share the decision making, don’t fall into the trap of one parent making the decision and the other feeling like they weren’t consulted.
6. Include your child in decision making. If you find yourself unable to decide between two schools, your child may feel strongly about one over the other.
7. If you are considering an independent school, discuss at an early stage how the fees will be paid, including any extras on the school bill.
8. If you are struggling to come to an agreement with your co-parent, consider attending mediation, in particular child inclusive mediation. Whilst your child shouldn’t feel they have to make decisions, they may have thoughts they want to share.
9. Above all, keep communication respectful, child-centred, and don’t involve your children in any arguments.

At Stone King, we are passionate about working with our clients to minimise conflict, and preserve family relationships wherever possible. We have an in-house team of family law experts, and qualified family mediators. If you found these tips useful, and would like to discuss your circumstances with one of our team, please get in touch today.