Top tips for co-parenting teenagers post separation

The teenage years can be tricky, and managing your teenager’s emotions and worries can sometimes be harder when you are separated from their other parent. We have prepared this guide to help you with some co-parenting tips. 

We have also created a more general co-parenting guide, and a guide on how to tell your children that you are separating.

1. Ideally, when you tell your teenager(s) that you are separating, try to tell them together and at a time when they aren’t hungry, tired, preoccupied, and you aren’t short on time. Try and agree with their other parent ahead of time what you will tell them. Avoid blaming or arguing, and check in with your teenagers in the following days. Reassure them if things are still uncertain, and let them know what will stay the same for the time being.
2. Maintain open communication with them and ensure they are heard. If they struggle to talk to you both, think about who else they can talk to, and whether child-inclusive mediation might be of help.
3. Stay consistent with rules and expectations across both households.
4. Respect their independence by allowing them the space that they may well need. Don’t make them feel that they have to take sides or pass messages between parents.
5. Support their emotional health and talk to the other parent if either of you are worried. Consider whether talking to a school counsellor or support services may help. There are a lot of online resources, such as Kooth, that they may find helpful.
6. Keep conflict away from them and model respectful communication.
7. Celebrate milestones together if you can, but if this is not possible, try to recognise that your teenager may well want to see you both on their special days and share in their successes.
8. Remember their friends are important to them, try not to feel hurt if they want to see them. Try and build some flexibility into your co-parenting plan so that they know they can see their friends whilst also spending time with both their parents. Focus on what is best for your teenager’s emotional health and development, rather than what is best for you as parents. Encourage them to communicate their plans with you both.

At Stone King, we are passionate about working with our clients to minimise conflict, and preserve family relationships wherever possible. If you found this guide useful, and would like to discuss your circumstances with one of our team, please get in touch today.